what the................

okay so i dont want to sound ungrateful or anything cuz lord knows that im not.  BUT i do not want to continue to be like this.  cuz my whole life has been full of jaded or partial compliments.  i feel that the reason that you and i have been the way that we are has to do with the fact that there has been no one to say "you deal with her" to.  with the girls and my bro, you always had something with their dad but not wit mine.  deep down, i feel that the reason that its like it is is cuz he left you and you left all the others.  so since you didnt control that situation, you project that onto me.  see it dont seem so nice when you have other people using psychology on ya does it, but the truth hurts i guess huh?  i will admit to the high heavens that im a pack rat and its hard to get rid of things.  i have had so much happen to me that ive become a control freak is because of that reason.  everything else is in such utter chaos that that is the one thing that i can control.  i have never and will never try to put on a front that im as normal as they come cuz im not.  i just wish that i dont have the same relationship with my kids especially my daughters that you and i have because you were great for my brother and sisters.  me, not so much.  so you put on airs, you front to prove a point to others.  i will continue to be me, as flawed and jaded as i am.....

The Prime or the Base?

ok so today im off from work (yea!) so im gonna try and do a lil catchup.  i have a few products that ive purchased to say that i really like and wanna give you my impression on them.  what is gonna be covered in this particular blog both with and without pictures.  this blog is gonna cover my impressions on eyeshadow primers and bases.  i have purchased urban decay primer potion, l'oreal decrease and nyx eyeshadow base.  this is just the introduction cuz these have already bee done.  im just gonna add each individual one on here.  so there will be 3 seperate reviews posted and uploaded today.  ciao!

Its been a LONG TIME

Okay everybody I know that I've been gone for a long time and have not added anything to this blog of mine and i apologize.  Im really sorry bout it.  Just mainly has to do wit the fact that Ive been so focused on my kids, workin and basically workin on gettin well.  So as those of you who know me personally know that I stopped my meds (against dr.'s wishes cuz I've gained so much weight) and the new focus is how to stop the fatassed-ness.  well I will make sure to blog everyday from now on cuz i need a new venting system and this is it.  Oh, and i have some news to share about what Im doin in my personal  life so there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Newness

Well today I have made a new friend that just might be what I have been lookin for.  He is a genuinely good dude that seemed surprised that I understood that fact that he just got off work and did not want to talk on the phone.  Told him that I know wat its like to be @ work all day and then wanna go home to have a lil bit of silence.  So we will talk tomorrow and if things look on the up and up we might hang out this weekend.  Pray for me all cuz I need a lil happiness in my life and if we only get to be friends and nothing more, that sounds like it will be a good fit too.  So.................

Deliverance

let me be the first to admit that when you're alone things do tend to suck a little. HOWEVER when you have peace of mind and accept the fact that what you held onto, you used as a crutch because you twisted up in the (stupid) belief that you didn't know who you were. at 27, i now realize that i didn't get to be me for 7 years and that scares me. but i'm determined to start fresh with someone new that can look at me and say "i can help make a better you."  im tired of being alone but i can't get enough of the fact that i get up every day only having to worry about my attitude and temper.  bliss.

Movement

I made a consious decision that I was going to start to make sure that i have an outlet for all the psycho babble bullshit that tends to build up in my mind.  I have made some horrible choices in my life when it comes to the men that I have allowed t have access to me and my kids.  But despite all of the drama one thing that I REFUSE to let go down is that I become a victim.