rls wen he is in the equation. He says the sweetest things to me that make me melt. And if knows it. My feelins for him scare me cuz im not supposed to

Make a Movie (feat. Chris Brown) by Twista

Make a Movie (feat. Chris Brown) by Twista

I know I keep puttin this boy on here but he has grown into a nice lookin man. kinda looks like the one i got now.................

Yummmmmmm

so sorry that i have been gone for a while.  lost my job and have had to do so scramblin to get back on my feet but its all good.  the last month has been a great month for me if you don't include the losin the job.  i found a new job, found happiness and i also found a new friend.  never thought this person and i would have any kinda thing outside of bein acquaintances.  be back later to share............

Deuces - Chris Brown feat. Tyga & Kevin McCall (Official Video)

okay so i know that people are all up in arms cuz of this video and song and i dont give a... cluck, shall we say?  lol i am happy to hear and see that music is slowly starting to go back to what it used to be about.  havin talent, stage prescence and being able to put on a show.  auto tune, frooty loops and and lip synchin is some hot mess.  i have a lil extra time on my hands and i will gladly share with you all my history.... in music.  its gonna be a long, extensive and bumpy ride.  some of the styles might shock, surprise or even scare you............  DEUCES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alicia Keys Feat. Drake - UnThinkable (I'm Ready) [Remix]

The beginning of the Wonderkid....

     So she stands up and looks around the room, surveying who is left on her side.  There's Jamie, Jack, Jimmy and, of course herself.  Its a little weird to look around the room and see 4 people who were completely different but still quite the same.  She, always seemed to be the black chick who had white friends.  But this was a different kinda situation.  These white dudes, emphasis on the "dudes".  They're the blackest white cats she ever met.  And the chick?  Her best friend in the world.  Who, oddly enough, was a white biker chick from California who never had a black friend in her life.  Between the 4 of them, there was a friendship that was odd but seemed to fit just right.
     Tonight's agenda seemed like any other out there.  Shoot pool, smoke weed and trip on acid.  Seems innocent enough, huh?  How the hell does a night like this start?  Well it was just another day in the Funk.  Hee hee.  Well we did a lot of partying in those days.  at 17, 19, 22 and 24 we ran the gamut on the age differences but we were all on the same page.  Jimmy and Jack grew up together in West Virginia and had been friends for years.  Jimmy moved to Texas with him mom and Jack followed soon after.  They eventually made their way towards Jaime cuz Jimmy was a foreman for a construction company and worked with Jamie's dad Steve.  They became friends and Jimmy dated Jamie.  Jamie worked at IHOP.  So did I my Junior year in high school.  Our birthdays were 6 days apart. And she lived in my neighborhood, down the street from me.  Literally.  So we bonded.  Realized that she was the white version of me and I was the black version of her.  I always kicked it and partied but once we met, it went to a whole new degree.
     First night we kicked it, got off work and she said lets smoke.  I was not a smoker, I was a smokah.  So we're sitting on the floor Indian style, sucking out of a bong and then the door flies open.  I'm in mid hit and I freeze.  And in comes Tammy.  My white mom, she was a bad ass chick who as cool as shit.  In she walks and puts her cup down, lights a cigarette and sits next to me and says the craziest, mind fuck 7 words I ever heard from an adult in my life.  "Hi, I'm Tammy.  Let me hit that." And then I choke............

And I Care Because...............?

     something that people fail to realize or recognize is that no matter how much you try to change, alter and manipulate, people are a product of their environment.  The whole nature vs. nurture argument here shows that nature wins out.  lets take case in point of a friend of mine that for humility's sake we will call "lauren".  at 5, she was sexually abused by her second cousin and then had an older kid who was like family to her molest her.  oddly enough, she was the oldest of 4 kids where the 2 youngest had the same father who was in their lives and the second kid had his dad (somewhat) in his life.
     now, the oldest girl had a lot of weight on her shoulders in that the reason  that her father was no where near around had to do with a falling out that he had with her mom.  she feels that her mom resented her due to the fact that her mother had a life, a plan made out that included athletics and academics and being pregnant as a freshman/sophomore in college on a athletic scholarship ain't gonna cut it.  can you do a lay-up 6 months pregnant?  so she naturally felt the weight of all frustration in her direction on a regular basis.  throughout her adolescent, pre-teen and teen life, screaming was a part of routine.  of course when you have chaos and drama it will feed and fuel the rebellion stage with full force.  there was only a 5 year difference between her brother and herself but her youngest siblings showed a 15 year age gap.  life as a living hell for her, built-in child care to mommy dearest.
     growing up, as early as 5, she could remember not wanting to go to that house everyday because he would be there and he would touch her. in the beginning, it was like a game and nothing went too far.  But soon after it gets worse, more hardcore.............

Why Even Bother?................

So normally I dont even care about all the dumb, stupid shit that you say or do.  HOWEVER, today you did something that I never thought you could do.  Stooped to a new low.  How in the hell can you say that my child is not your daughter?  The only reason that I was even with you to begin with is the fact that i just had her, you had nowhere to go and you cried to me.  i remember the day that you cried on my couch cuz you told me you loved me and i didnt say it back.  you just show and prove what a low life dead beat ass father you are............

what the................

okay so i dont want to sound ungrateful or anything cuz lord knows that im not.  BUT i do not want to continue to be like this.  cuz my whole life has been full of jaded or partial compliments.  i feel that the reason that you and i have been the way that we are has to do with the fact that there has been no one to say "you deal with her" to.  with the girls and my bro, you always had something with their dad but not wit mine.  deep down, i feel that the reason that its like it is is cuz he left you and you left all the others.  so since you didnt control that situation, you project that onto me.  see it dont seem so nice when you have other people using psychology on ya does it, but the truth hurts i guess huh?  i will admit to the high heavens that im a pack rat and its hard to get rid of things.  i have had so much happen to me that ive become a control freak is because of that reason.  everything else is in such utter chaos that that is the one thing that i can control.  i have never and will never try to put on a front that im as normal as they come cuz im not.  i just wish that i dont have the same relationship with my kids especially my daughters that you and i have because you were great for my brother and sisters.  me, not so much.  so you put on airs, you front to prove a point to others.  i will continue to be me, as flawed and jaded as i am.....

The Prime or the Base?

ok so today im off from work (yea!) so im gonna try and do a lil catchup.  i have a few products that ive purchased to say that i really like and wanna give you my impression on them.  what is gonna be covered in this particular blog both with and without pictures.  this blog is gonna cover my impressions on eyeshadow primers and bases.  i have purchased urban decay primer potion, l'oreal decrease and nyx eyeshadow base.  this is just the introduction cuz these have already bee done.  im just gonna add each individual one on here.  so there will be 3 seperate reviews posted and uploaded today.  ciao!

Its been a LONG TIME

Okay everybody I know that I've been gone for a long time and have not added anything to this blog of mine and i apologize.  Im really sorry bout it.  Just mainly has to do wit the fact that Ive been so focused on my kids, workin and basically workin on gettin well.  So as those of you who know me personally know that I stopped my meds (against dr.'s wishes cuz I've gained so much weight) and the new focus is how to stop the fatassed-ness.  well I will make sure to blog everyday from now on cuz i need a new venting system and this is it.  Oh, and i have some news to share about what Im doin in my personal  life so there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!